Thursday, 23 March 2017

THE GIFT OF SURRENDER


"Transformation happens on the other side of surrender."

Stress is such and ingrained part of our lives. It is like we don't function unless we are worrying about something. We never truly live, because we are so busy stressing over things. In life there will be troubles, that is a given, but how we deal with those troubles, that is a choice. 

I have always had a programme in me to attach myself to the outcome. It is an awful programme, it has not served me well in any way, shape or form, in fact it is massively stressful. My recent life's troubles has given me the absolute perfect opportunity to change this programme, because it has given me so much attachment to outcome. The Universe will keep giving you the same situations until you learn your lesson. 

My first reaction to all the stress, was to stress, just like I have always done. I had so much anxiety and fear over what is going to happen that I was actually crippled by trying to control the outcome and analyzing every possible option to get out of the predicament, (which by the way is way beyond my control, but I was trying with all of my might to control it). Then I had a realisation, the outcome will be what it is, with or without my stress. Sure, action needs to be taken, which obviously it will be, but is it really necessary to stress every single step of the way? This can be simple, I don't need to complicate this, this is an opportunity to put new programming in place and go with the flow, let go and let God. I was so aware of how uncomfortable the stress made me, that I realised that the only thing that was giving it life and feeding it, was me, with my thoughts and worry. 

I then chose a new path...I surrendered....I surrendered to every bit of stress in my body. I surrendered to every emotion I was feeling, I surrendered to every circumstance that is beyond my control. I surrendered to the reality that I had created in my mind. I surrendered to God, and I said you know what you are doing, so you can do it. For once I don't need to obsessively know the details in between, the how and the when. Everything is going to be ok. I let go of the reigns. I well and truly surrendered. 

What has the gift of that been? I have been calm and myself, (most of the time). I have enjoyed each day as it has come. I have been able to get a hold of myself and eat to support myself not abuse myself, (I believe comfort eating on junk food is self abuse and debilitating, it makes me completely none productive, and in the beginning of this stress that is where I ran, to old habits of self comfort). It has allowed me to walk my talk. It has allowed me to be compassionate to myself and think clearly. It has allowed me to get my day to day activities done, and still be present for friends who have needed my support. It has helped me to find new and powerful ways to nurture my well being. 

Surrender is not something that just happens and stays there, it is an on going life practice, a moment to moment awareness and an on going opportunity to choose the path of least resistance. Surrender is an acceptance of what is and the faith to know that everything will be ok. Surrender allows you to be happy, when the ego is telling you that all the odds are stacked against you, surrender gives you peace of mind and even a very healthy I don't give a fuck attitude.

When life pushes you out of your comfort zone, you have choices...You can resist it and fight it with all your might, stress about it, try and control the outcome and be completely miserable. Or you can surrender to it, go with the flow, trust that everything is happening for your higher good and that everything will be ok and that the Universe has your back.

With so much love
Rosemarie
xxxx


Monday, 13 March 2017

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION


" Everyone feels like a winner when effective communication is the order of the day!" RLM

Effective communication could be the single most important thing that we can implement into our lives. Every single thing that we do relies on communication. Whether it be at home in our personal relationships with our partners and children or socially with friends and acquaintances or in the work place with colleagues, bosses and staff or just with every day life when shopping, driving or banking. We communicate constantly, whether we realise it or not. We are communicating with ourselves, our God and every single person we come into contact with. Yet somehow we are the least equipped in this vital skill as to how to create a win win scenario at all times. 


When we can understand that every single thing is about communication, even in the silence there is communication. By choosing to say nothing you are also sending a message. By being angry you are sending a message. By being ungrateful and rude you are sending a message. Nothing that we do is not communicating. If we start becoming aware of our own very unique, individual message that we are putting out there, we can start adjusting and changing our part of the communication and start taking responsibility to have deeper more meaningful relationships with loved ones and authentic interactions with colleagues and even strangers.There are guide lines to follow in order to be an effective communicator. The benefits of implementing this into your life is happiness, compassion, non judgement and ultimately freedom from within. 

Effective communication can be a solution to so many problems that we face in our day to day lives. I believe that if more bosses took the time to invest in their staff and create standard operating procedures based on the 5 keys below, work places would become happier and far more productive. Just as homes and schools would be more peaceful and children will grow up self empowered with very powerful tools to make this world a better place.

The perfect place to start with effective communication and start making an immediate change today is to start with ourselves. We are not very kind communicators with ourselves in fact we are the harshest judge and critic in our own mind chatter. I see it as follows...

We are constantly lying to each other about what we are feeling and going through and then we ignore any signs or symptoms that we have a problem. We want to portray that every thing is always hunky dory. We are defensive and ego driven, with fear as the main driver. We find it so hard to ask for help or admit that things are tough. We have this facade that we must be strong at all times, everybody around you must think that you have got it together in every moment. Inside you are freaking out and then beating yourself up for not being stronger or fitter or healthier or richer or more skilled or more energetic. You name it and we will find a fault with ourselves, but we want the outside world to think that we are perfect. Do you even notice this about yourself? I have come to know that my relationship with myself is the foundation of all of my relationships. How I communicate with myself is the defining point of how I handle any situation that arises and it is the same for you. We are constantly communicating with ourselves. We have the voice in the head which is the judge and the critic and we somehow believe that it is in charge of our body and our life. The truth is that it is just the ego and only has power if we allow it to. We have a choice in every moment to choose how we can effectively communicate with ourselves.I love that!!! It means that we are in control and we have the power. Do we choose to acknowledge our accomplishments and strengths and therefore feel good about who we are or do we choose to tear ourselves apart because we are not measuring up to the totally unrealistic idea of perfection in our heads?These choices are our communication with self. It determines your self worth to yourself! How you treat yourself on ALL levels determines how deserving you feel you are. 

Did you know that you can change the way you talk to yourself and change the way you view the world or your place in it? Did you know that your self esteem and confidence is in your hands? Did you know that how you look and feel is all up to you? Did you know that your attitude towards yourself is all in how kind you choose to be with your self in every moment. How do you communicate with yourself? Check the list below and ask yourself if you communicate with yourself with CLARITY, RESPECT, UNDERSTANDING, SOLUTIONS and TRUST?

Five main effective communication keys are as follows:
  • clarity - objectives, clear, reasonable expectations
  • respect - feeling valued, important and accepted, a valuable part of a team
  • understanding - feeling understood, appreciated and valuable, compassionate and empathetic responses
  • solutions - compromise, win win, confidence, obtaining objectives
  • trust - feeling safe to be vulnerable, honest and open without fear, judgement or disapproval
If we could start being kind to ourselves we will start treating others with the same values and respect and we will only expect the same back for ourselves from others. "Be the change you wish to see in the world", change the world by changing yourself and how you treat yourself. 

With so much love
Rosemarie
xxxx